I've decided to create a new blog dedicated to my weightloss and training journey as it may be easier for people to follow, plus easier for me to concentrate on one blog at a time.
My new blog is www.weightlossepica.blogspot.com
I'll continue to post here on family and general stuff. Hope you can visit the new one. The new blog is what I'll be concentrating on from here on in an attempt to supercharge my weightloss efforts.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Diet...Ah Phooey...There's too much mess in my head!
Warning. This is the longest post in history
Well....there's been no dieting....Who was I kidding...
My head isn't in the right place to be able to concentrate on diet and exercise. To those people to whom exercising comes naturally (freaks lol ;-0)is would sound strange, but me on the other hand well I hate it, I do more so at the moment & I have to keep thinking back to when I was lifting weights (I'll call it training from here) and how much I enjoyed it. That feeling of warmth and strength and power in my muscles...I so want that back...but I'm not very good at training by myself, of course it's so much easier when you've got your coach there telling you what a great job you're doing, they're also a great "weightress" to quote my coach Vicki, she takes the weight from you when you've finished a set so all you have to do it let go and recover. I'll also call Vicki my coach instead of trainer because she is a great coach, like a life coach as such...to me training with her is more than just a physical experience...she makes me feel so good mentally, emotionally spiritually as well. Wow that was deep.
Anyway...my head isn't in the right space because there's too much mess in my life, both literally and figuratively. I told Vicki the other night that I feel like I wanna get a great big dumpster and empty all the mess, clutter, crap in my life into it.
I'm a very roots in the ground type of person and I need to know what is ahead in my life to be able to concentrate on the here and now. I continually hear the little ditty..."Just Live In The Moment" to that I say PHOOEY!!!! Well actually I say something stronger but you don't want to hear me swear it gets ugly. So as far as what is ahead or not...I'm supposed to be starting back at work end of Aug after 12 months off, there were major changes at work when I was leaving change of proprietorship, change of manager, even though I know the knew manager and the company is the sister company of the original one, it's still and unknown, and talking to a colleague it ain't what it used to be and it ain't all good. Also, I have to put Rex into daycare! But I don't know where yet...it makes a very difficult decision more difficult as there's just this wait list/wait and see process that just mess's with my head (you'll hear this term quite a bit) Surely the daycare centre knows what their kids will be doing between now and end of August to be able to tell me if there is going to be a spot or not. Another unknown....will we have to move anytime soon...we rent where we live and I absolutely love it here..we've been here 4 years now, I treat the house and garden as if it were my own because I thought it was going to be. We were all set to buy the house from the landlord (we rent directly from him) as he was liquefying assets in a divorce...but he kept delaying the process until I fell pregnant - surprise!! and I spent eight months of my pregnancy not knowing if we had to move or not (not a nice feeling) because we can't afford a mortgage on one salary, I decided very early on that I needed 12 months off. I also decided that I wasn't going to move, and if the landlord was going to pull the plug on us I would chuck a pregnant woman hissy fit and refuse to move. I told James...and I wasn't entirely joking...that "they would have to drag me outta here in a straight jacket". Now I still have that feeling in Aug last year the landlord finally told us that he was retaining the property in his settlement and that we could stay here for at least another 12 months if not longer.....but wasn't "in the position" to give us a lease...WHAT BLOODY POSITION!!! I'm not allowed to talk to him you see...because if I do I will lose my cool and go off as I do when people get all wishy washy with me, he's never straight forward with his answers. I don't want to know all the ins and outs of his private business but if I knew just slightly more about what was going on in his head I would feel a little more comfortable. So in 3 months time it's going to be the "at least 12 months" that he spoke of so what then....I wanna know....I'm a planner but I'm also a doer... I can't do if I can't plan.....
I can't do now what I need to do for myself if I can't plan ahead. It's just the way I am and no amount of counselling or cognitive therapy or self help positive thinking mumbo jumbo book or kind words of support from my hubby like "don't worry, it may never happen, or it'll all work out ok, just think positive, DOES NOT WASH WITH ME. I think I'm too practical.
Plus, and this is a major one, at work they cut my hours while I was pregnant, so it was take the cut or find another job. At the time being pregnant I was grateful of the cut, and also now from a putting the baby in daycare point point of view even tho it's 5 days a week it'll be from 10am & not some ridiculous hour like 7 or 8am. But...and here's the clanger....can we even afford a mortgage on a reduced salary...we don't make that much money as it is, it was going to be a pinch before so now how will the bank see the extra expense of a child along with reduced earnings?
Everyday I wake up wondering if today is the day that the landlord will ring and say that he has to sell the house.
So, to the literal crap. I'm surrounded by it. My husband god love him, is a hoarder, me I'm a chucker. I love the feeling of a good old purge (in the good sense, you know stuff not food). He also has no sense of putting things where they belong. Two examples - he doesn't put his keys in a particular pocket of his bag, so he is forever hunting through & getting antsy trying to find them, another and this is an all time classic. I went to the "potato cupboard" to you guessed it get potatoes and I found the bottle of Gaviscon in there!!! What the???.....So what prompted my husband to put the Gaviscon away in there instead of on the shelf where he got it from..."I don't know...I must have been under pressure" What t... h.....e...??? Can you see my brain gurgling down the drain? He consciously chose the potato cupboard, bent down, and opened the door rather than just reaching up to put it back where it belongs. Sigh.
Our house is very small, two beds plus a cupboard of a room that we call the office, there's hardly any storage space, no garage, not attic, no basement and no shed. I see the need to live lean not in a $$ expense but certainly in an amount of stuff sense. James loves stuff...he must 'cause it's everywhere. Empty boxes, computer parts (don't get me started) things just left laying around.
I was at the point of despair the other day and I googled "clutter free" I came apon a professional organiser's website. She comes in and does everything from re-organising furniture, writing lists of recommended improvements and drawing plans of rooms to helping you shop for storage solutions...for a rather hefty fee...which is what I felt I needed.
The want to do something is only part of the equation. The physical ability is another. Just like weightloss, exercising and dieting.
I can do most of it myself but there's just some that I'll need James' help with. which he'll be happy to do in his own good time tho' not in mine. Mine is an immediate need. There's also only so many changes or improvements we can do seeing that we're renting. James is very much in the mindset that we'd spending our money making improvements to somebody elses house.
This post became way too involved and I was wandering all over the place (welcome to my brain).
I've started a new blog called weightlossepica. Please check this out for my weightloss journey.
Well....there's been no dieting....Who was I kidding...
I've had a couple of rough weeks. Last week I had James home with a very bad cold. At the same time I got a migraine which I get only maybe once or twice a year around my period time the Doc says it's associated with hormone influxes yyyuuucckkk. So James & I played tag teams to go have 2 hour naps while the other looked after the baby. I hate being sick. Now this week my darling angel child has a cold, I knew he was coming down with something on Monday when I was at mothers group and he woke up very snuffly on Tuesday morning, last night was a shocker...I won't go into the gory details but we were up more than we were asleep.
My head isn't in the right place to be able to concentrate on diet and exercise. To those people to whom exercising comes naturally (freaks lol ;-0)is would sound strange, but me on the other hand well I hate it, I do more so at the moment & I have to keep thinking back to when I was lifting weights (I'll call it training from here) and how much I enjoyed it. That feeling of warmth and strength and power in my muscles...I so want that back...but I'm not very good at training by myself, of course it's so much easier when you've got your coach there telling you what a great job you're doing, they're also a great "weightress" to quote my coach Vicki, she takes the weight from you when you've finished a set so all you have to do it let go and recover. I'll also call Vicki my coach instead of trainer because she is a great coach, like a life coach as such...to me training with her is more than just a physical experience...she makes me feel so good mentally, emotionally spiritually as well. Wow that was deep.
Anyway...my head isn't in the right space because there's too much mess in my life, both literally and figuratively. I told Vicki the other night that I feel like I wanna get a great big dumpster and empty all the mess, clutter, crap in my life into it.
I'm a very roots in the ground type of person and I need to know what is ahead in my life to be able to concentrate on the here and now. I continually hear the little ditty..."Just Live In The Moment" to that I say PHOOEY!!!! Well actually I say something stronger but you don't want to hear me swear it gets ugly. So as far as what is ahead or not...I'm supposed to be starting back at work end of Aug after 12 months off, there were major changes at work when I was leaving change of proprietorship, change of manager, even though I know the knew manager and the company is the sister company of the original one, it's still and unknown, and talking to a colleague it ain't what it used to be and it ain't all good. Also, I have to put Rex into daycare! But I don't know where yet...it makes a very difficult decision more difficult as there's just this wait list/wait and see process that just mess's with my head (you'll hear this term quite a bit) Surely the daycare centre knows what their kids will be doing between now and end of August to be able to tell me if there is going to be a spot or not. Another unknown....will we have to move anytime soon...we rent where we live and I absolutely love it here..we've been here 4 years now, I treat the house and garden as if it were my own because I thought it was going to be. We were all set to buy the house from the landlord (we rent directly from him) as he was liquefying assets in a divorce...but he kept delaying the process until I fell pregnant - surprise!! and I spent eight months of my pregnancy not knowing if we had to move or not (not a nice feeling) because we can't afford a mortgage on one salary, I decided very early on that I needed 12 months off. I also decided that I wasn't going to move, and if the landlord was going to pull the plug on us I would chuck a pregnant woman hissy fit and refuse to move. I told James...and I wasn't entirely joking...that "they would have to drag me outta here in a straight jacket". Now I still have that feeling in Aug last year the landlord finally told us that he was retaining the property in his settlement and that we could stay here for at least another 12 months if not longer.....but wasn't "in the position" to give us a lease...WHAT BLOODY POSITION!!! I'm not allowed to talk to him you see...because if I do I will lose my cool and go off as I do when people get all wishy washy with me, he's never straight forward with his answers. I don't want to know all the ins and outs of his private business but if I knew just slightly more about what was going on in his head I would feel a little more comfortable. So in 3 months time it's going to be the "at least 12 months" that he spoke of so what then....I wanna know....I'm a planner but I'm also a doer... I can't do if I can't plan.....
I can't do now what I need to do for myself if I can't plan ahead. It's just the way I am and no amount of counselling or cognitive therapy or self help positive thinking mumbo jumbo book or kind words of support from my hubby like "don't worry, it may never happen, or it'll all work out ok, just think positive, DOES NOT WASH WITH ME. I think I'm too practical.
Plus, and this is a major one, at work they cut my hours while I was pregnant, so it was take the cut or find another job. At the time being pregnant I was grateful of the cut, and also now from a putting the baby in daycare point point of view even tho it's 5 days a week it'll be from 10am & not some ridiculous hour like 7 or 8am. But...and here's the clanger....can we even afford a mortgage on a reduced salary...we don't make that much money as it is, it was going to be a pinch before so now how will the bank see the extra expense of a child along with reduced earnings?
Everyday I wake up wondering if today is the day that the landlord will ring and say that he has to sell the house.
So, to the literal crap. I'm surrounded by it. My husband god love him, is a hoarder, me I'm a chucker. I love the feeling of a good old purge (in the good sense, you know stuff not food). He also has no sense of putting things where they belong. Two examples - he doesn't put his keys in a particular pocket of his bag, so he is forever hunting through & getting antsy trying to find them, another and this is an all time classic. I went to the "potato cupboard" to you guessed it get potatoes and I found the bottle of Gaviscon in there!!! What the???.....So what prompted my husband to put the Gaviscon away in there instead of on the shelf where he got it from..."I don't know...I must have been under pressure" What t... h.....e...??? Can you see my brain gurgling down the drain? He consciously chose the potato cupboard, bent down, and opened the door rather than just reaching up to put it back where it belongs. Sigh.
Our house is very small, two beds plus a cupboard of a room that we call the office, there's hardly any storage space, no garage, not attic, no basement and no shed. I see the need to live lean not in a $$ expense but certainly in an amount of stuff sense. James loves stuff...he must 'cause it's everywhere. Empty boxes, computer parts (don't get me started) things just left laying around.
I was at the point of despair the other day and I googled "clutter free" I came apon a professional organiser's website. She comes in and does everything from re-organising furniture, writing lists of recommended improvements and drawing plans of rooms to helping you shop for storage solutions...for a rather hefty fee...which is what I felt I needed.
The want to do something is only part of the equation. The physical ability is another. Just like weightloss, exercising and dieting.
I can do most of it myself but there's just some that I'll need James' help with. which he'll be happy to do in his own good time tho' not in mine. Mine is an immediate need. There's also only so many changes or improvements we can do seeing that we're renting. James is very much in the mindset that we'd spending our money making improvements to somebody elses house.
This post became way too involved and I was wandering all over the place (welcome to my brain).
I've started a new blog called weightlossepica. Please check this out for my weightloss journey.
Monday, May 18, 2009
I love Autumn
I think Autumn is my favourite season, the weather in Sydney has just been perfect these last few weeks, nice cold nights, crisp mornings and lovely mild sunny days.
We had a lovely weekend we visited one of my work mates on Saturday, he lives at Wyoming on the Central Coast with his wife and daughter, his daughter has a 17 month old little boy who is just a cutie like my Rexy. She has been very kind giving me loads of hand me downs for Rex. My friend is a true family man, when he new that his daughter was pregnant and that she would be staying at home with the baby, he made plans to build a granny flat over his garage for he and his wife to move into so his daughter would have a bedroom for herself and one for the baby (he also has a grown son who has since moved out of home). Some parents would kick their daughter out if she were to be a single mum. I found a whole new level of respect for my friend after he told me how important these family values were to him. There should be more people like him. 
Me, the lovely Cherie and our beautiful boys, Reece & Rex
On Sunday we went to Whale & Newport Beaches. James is a swimming pool technician and he services a pool at Whale Beach. The guy is a retired Specialist Doctor, is selling his $2mil home in Killara at the moment which I love, as well as owning this amazing 3 storey ultra modern mansion that is on the south end of Whale Beach point with 180 degree views north right over Whale Beach. The pool is amazing, it's a narrow a lap pool, heated, it's lined with black pebblecrete, with a feature wall of black slate. The last third of the pool hangs over the cliff face and the entire end is made of glass!!! It looks like a fish tank!!! It's incredible, you can see the beach through the glass at the end of the pool. The house has been featured in many Home type magazines and the newspaper, it has all the most ridiculous mod cons, but you know what...it ain't really my cuppa tea, don't get me wrong it is amazing, but the entire interior is made from beige coloured Italian travertine, (it's probably got some exotic colour name but to me it's just beige lol) there are very steep stairs right through the middle of the house it's an 11 meter drop down the cliff face. Each to their own but it's too sparse and cold for my liking. Mind you if someone were to say "here Jen have a house" I wouldn't flinch before jumping right in!!!
Below is a link to the Killara house for sale (definitely my kind of house) and the architects website of the Whale Beach house. Follow the prompts - projects, residential, single residential, Whale Beach residence, it looks amazing in these pics.
http://www.mcconnellbourn.com.au/1074982
We stopped at Newport for lunch on the way back and Rex got to see a beach and the ocean (apart from the balcony of the house above) for the first time. It was blowing a gale so we had to try and protect him a bit from the wind. He couldn't take his eyes off the water and the waves, he seemed to really enjoy it. He wasn't too keen on the wind though, his little eyes were watering.
Trying to protect Rex from the wind on Newport Beach
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
The Balanced Dog
Shelly is the coolest dog! I'm very proud of the work I've done with her since I rescued her in 2005. She was an absolute mess.
When we brought her home she didn't know how to handle things she hadn't seen before. For instance she was terrified to walk on the white tiles in our kitchen and hallway, but was ok on the carpet, it took her about a week to approach my husband becuase of her fear of men. If I shook a plastic bag she would freak and take off. I would have had my work cut out for me more if it weren't for my amazing German Shepherd Mikey whom I lost in December 2007. He was the most amazing dog!! I could write a whole book on him and the wonderful 10 years we had together, I still come to tears when I write about him so will have to pick my time to introduce him in this blog. And anyway this is about Shelly.
One of the things I am most proud of is her loyalty to stay by my side and her recalls when she is not. For instance, she likes to sit on the front verandah at home so she can see what's going on in the street, she can see me inside and she gets to sunbake or lay in the shade. Across the top of the stairs I have put a flimsy fold up wooden barrier that just gives her the sense of a physical barrier but would be of no use should she wish to push through and take off. And that is my point, whether there is a dog walking past on lead or even one that is on the loose and ventures up the stairs itself, she has made no attempt to push through, and she knows she can, sometimes I dont pull it far enough across and there will be a gap big enough for her to fit through and she will lay right there with her paws and nose under the barrier and will go no further.
And what is even more amazing is that on occasion we'll be out the front together, I will come inside, leave her on the verandah and forget to pull the barrier across, I'll go to check on her and there she is, at the top of the steps as happy as larry with the perfect escape route if she wanted it. This is how I found her yestrday afternoon so I just had to take pics and mention it here.
Shelly, the well trained and balanced "Blue Dog"
This is how the "barrier" should be
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Here We Go Again.....
I have to lose weight.
I've done it before and I'll do it again.
Before I got married in 2006 I lost 17.5 kg in 13 weeks. I strarted at 106.5kg in June 2006 and got married at 89kg September 2006. I started on the Tony Ferguson Weightloss Program and then after I became obsessed with weight training, started following a body builders diet. I was training with my personal trainer between 1 and 3 times a week. My trainer is the beautiful Vicki Hadfield. I can honestly say she is the most beautiful person I have ever met, she is my own personal little ray of sunshine and without her I wouldn't have got anywhere with this weight loss attempt. (more about Vicki in another post)
I took a break from training and dieting after my wedding but then started again in earnest in 2007, I put on only a little weight and from memory started training again with Vicki at about 92kg? Then I went for it!!!! By July 2007 I had lost another 15kg, I was within 2kg of my all time ultimate goal of 75kg....When...well...the wheels fell off........I'm not real sure why, well maybe I am, but that's another blog. You've got no idea how dirty and disappointed I was and still am with myself for giving up and yes I packed the weight back on...I gained back that last 15kg within a few months. I was eating crap and drinking again (more on that later). I became terribly depressed and suffered from anxiety. All this was contributed to by an absolute ARSE of a manager at work. My life went downhill fast.
Then in January 2008 at the ripe old age of 43 I discovered I was PREGNANT!! OMG!!! We had never planned to have kids!! Not on my agenda at all! Bloody Hell!! After thinking long and hard about it James and I decided to go ahead. Well that was the perfect excuse to not have to exercise and diet and I continued to stack it on. I didn't even go near the scales the whole of 2008, and it wasn't until about 3 months ago that I went back to Vicki and weighed in at..... guess what....106.5kg back exactly to where I started! I'd heard that the body has a memory but that is ridiculous.
I did a fitness assessment again with Vix and came in still fitter than when I started in 2006. But there is no motivation there....there should be...I have chronic back pain partly from the pregnancy but I've no doubt also from the extra at least 20-30kg I'm carting around along with having to pick up and cart around my little lump of a son. I reckon he's about 10kg now. My body hurts from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. I find it very hard to get up and down off the floor, and I'm getting around with all the grace of an Aardvark!!
I bought 2 weeks supply of Tony Ferguson around the same time as seeing Vix and half of it is still sitting in the bag. It was much easier to diet when I was at work as I would take what I needed for lunch, there are no shops close by. At home I eat to fill in the time and I eat because I'm stressed about not being used to being at home and being a mum.
But this has to change. I'm going to my GP tomorrow and I'll get her to kick me in the bum. I'm having lunch with Vicki, as friends mind you not trainer and client. But I'm going to book a session with her for a motivation session. I'm also going to book a motivation session with the gorgeous Kate McKraken another of the fitness angels in my life (more about her in another post too) I need to do it, I'm starting work at the end of August and NONE of my work clothes fit me.
I've set a goal of 80kg. I want to lose as much as I can before I go back to work, that's in 15 weeks! If I can do 15kg I would be very happy. So it will be back to TF to pick up some more shakes and soups. I need to do TF as a kick start I'm not into just cutting down and getting used to things. I'm very much an all or nothing person. TF worked before and it will again. It's a very good program.
I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and of feeling sorry for myself...this has happened to me before, I just sit in limbo land basically wait for something to happen or change or someone to help me...
Two of my favourite sayings:-
Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes
If It Is To Be It's Up To Me.
These pics are of me on my wedding day 30th September 2006, nice and slim fit & healthy at about 80-85kg sometime around May-June 2007, massive on my "due day" which was 21/9/08 (Rex was born 9 days late on 30th by emergency ceaser, yes on our wedding anniversary) and at Easter this year...sigh... oh dear . I don't have any pics of me at my super slim 77kg which is a shame.
So 15 kilos in 15 weeks.....here we go....stay tuned
Daydream Island 30th September 2006
Slim Fit & Healthy approx May 2007
Due Day 21st September 2008
Probably back to about 106kg Easter 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
My Body Building Heros
These are my body building heros. They are all American Professional Figure Competitors. Davana Medina, Jenny Lynn, Elaine Goodlad and Valerie Waugaman. My all time fave is the AMAZING Davana Medina 3 time Figure Olympia Champion 2003-2005.
By the way...Elaine Goodlad is 4o years old!!!!
Davana Medina
Davana Medina
Davana Medina
Davana Medina
Jenny Lynn
Jenny Lynn
Elaine Goodlad
Elaine Goodlad
Valerie Waugaman
Valerie Waugaman
Valerie WaugamanThis is Shelly
This was Shelly in 2005
This is Shelly now
I rescued Shelly from the animal rescue place called Paws n' Hooves in July 2005. The first photo was taken the first time I went to see her at her foster home. What a sad and sorry sight she was. She was thin and had no coat to speak of and just a nervous wreck. But I could see she had SO much potential, and new instantly that she was to be mine. I took her some toys to play with as it would be a couple of weeks before I actually took her home. She had no interest in the toys whatsoever, she had never been anyone play with her, I went to throw her a ball and when I raised my arm to throw it she ducked and ran for cover behind her kennel. She had obviously had things thrown at her or hit before. So sad...fancy a border collie x not knowing how to play!!! She was scared of a squeaky toy and had no idea what to do with the others
The second photo is one I took the other day, she was pretty well habilitated in about 12 months, but she needs constant work. She's still scared of some people when she first meets them, especially men. There are some kids she doesn't like (I learnt later on that there were kids in her past that used to torment her) she leaves the room when we raise our voices, even if we're laughing and joking around, she also hides when the kids next door play with their basketball. When we're out she occasionally gets scared by skateboards and bicycles. But it all depends, she seems to know whether someone is likely to be a trouble maker!!
This could be the longest post in history if I continued to tell you all about the amazing transformation process she (or we) have been through. She's been a lot of work but she is the most loving gentle natured dogs I have ever come across, except when she spies a local bush rabbit, then it's all primal instinct, which in itself is an amazing sight.
Shelly is the inspiration behind Blue Dog Rehabilitation, more about this in another post.....
Let's just say that what I've acheived with her is remarkable.
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