Blue Dog Rehabilitation: Here We Go Again.....

I have to lose weight.

I've done it before and I'll do it again.

Before I got married in 2006 I lost 17.5 kg in 13 weeks. I strarted at 106.5kg in June 2006 and got married at 89kg September 2006. I started on the Tony Ferguson Weightloss Program and then after I became obsessed with weight training, started following a body builders diet. I was training with my personal trainer between 1 and 3 times a week. My trainer is the beautiful Vicki Hadfield. I can honestly say she is the most beautiful person I have ever met, she is my own personal little ray of sunshine and without her I wouldn't have got anywhere with this weight loss attempt. (more about Vicki in another post)

I took a break from training and dieting after my wedding but then started again in earnest in 2007, I put on only a little weight and from memory started training again with Vicki at about 92kg? Then I went for it!!!! By July 2007 I had lost another 15kg, I was within 2kg of my all time ultimate goal of 75kg....When...well...the wheels fell off........I'm not real sure why, well maybe I am, but that's another blog. You've got no idea how dirty and disappointed I was and still am with myself for giving up and yes I packed the weight back on...I gained back that last 15kg within a few months. I was eating crap and drinking again (more on that later). I became terribly depressed and suffered from anxiety. All this was contributed to by an absolute ARSE of a manager at work. My life went downhill fast.

Then in January 2008 at the ripe old age of 43 I discovered I was PREGNANT!! OMG!!! We had never planned to have kids!! Not on my agenda at all! Bloody Hell!! After thinking long and hard about it James and I decided to go ahead. Well that was the perfect excuse to not have to exercise and diet and I continued to stack it on. I didn't even go near the scales the whole of 2008, and it wasn't until about 3 months ago that I went back to Vicki and weighed in at..... guess what....106.5kg back exactly to where I started! I'd heard that the body has a memory but that is ridiculous.

I did a fitness assessment again with Vix and came in still fitter than when I started in 2006. But there is no motivation there....there should be...I have chronic back pain partly from the pregnancy but I've no doubt also from the extra at least 20-30kg I'm carting around along with having to pick up and cart around my little lump of a son. I reckon he's about 10kg now. My body hurts from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. I find it very hard to get up and down off the floor, and I'm getting around with all the grace of an Aardvark!!

I bought 2 weeks supply of Tony Ferguson around the same time as seeing Vix and half of it is still sitting in the bag. It was much easier to diet when I was at work as I would take what I needed for lunch, there are no shops close by. At home I eat to fill in the time and I eat because I'm stressed about not being used to being at home and being a mum.

But this has to change. I'm going to my GP tomorrow and I'll get her to kick me in the bum. I'm having lunch with Vicki, as friends mind you not trainer and client. But I'm going to book a session with her for a motivation session. I'm also going to book a motivation session with the gorgeous Kate McKraken another of the fitness angels in my life (more about her in another post too) I need to do it, I'm starting work at the end of August and NONE of my work clothes fit me.

I've set a goal of 80kg. I want to lose as much as I can before I go back to work, that's in 15 weeks! If I can do 15kg I would be very happy. So it will be back to TF to pick up some more shakes and soups. I need to do TF as a kick start I'm not into just cutting down and getting used to things. I'm very much an all or nothing person. TF worked before and it will again. It's a very good program.

I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and of feeling sorry for myself...this has happened to me before, I just sit in limbo land basically wait for something to happen or change or someone to help me...

Two of my favourite sayings:-

Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes

If It Is To Be It's Up To Me.

These pics are of me on my wedding day 30th September 2006, nice and slim fit & healthy at about 80-85kg sometime around May-June 2007, massive on my "due day" which was 21/9/08 (Rex was born 9 days late on 30th by emergency ceaser, yes on our wedding anniversary) and at Easter this year...sigh... oh dear . I don't have any pics of me at my super slim 77kg which is a shame.

So 15 kilos in 15 weeks.....here we go....stay tuned